Nine Year Old Diary

Greater and Grander

 

 

     Today, I am going to show to you something personal. Well, it's not personal anymore but at one time, it was very personal and very exciting.

 

 

 

Courtney: 7 days after my 9 birthday.

 

 

I had my friend Jacob come over! he's the most boy I like. He's so cute! I love you. See you later. Bekki hurt her arm! Goodbye Diary.

 

 

My other sweetie came over. His name is Seth. I love you Seth. Love sweetie Seth. Hehehe. bye bye

I like Taylor too!

 

 

This amazes me that at nine years old I had such a mystical world. It's interesting how your thoughts really do shape your life. I remember growing up and comparing and contrasting different boys- and later even men. Apparently, I just loved them all when I was younger- and I suppose when I'm older it's not a whole lot different. I have had to really fine tune myself over the years. What's interesting to me is that I never really described why I like them. I suppose I liked them because they were cute and nice to me. I suppose I also liked them because they liked me (as I heard). So, love is mutual- and interest is mutual. Even a very loveable person can become unlovable if they don't love you back.

 

Yet, when you are younger things just don't seem to click. Your mind is  like a gullible sponge. Every word is engrained into you like the salt in the ocean. It sticks with you, forever.. unless you realize it and can make a change..

 

Think about it ... one thought... that you have thought for a long time. You have no idea where it reall came from, but you think about it a lot and it's not good.

 

What is it? Bondage. You are tied to that one thought.

 

Well, for me, I've been tied to a lot of thoughts before- and they aren't true but I've been thinking about them so long I presume them to be- and I think about them so long- that they become a reality in my mind- but not in actual life.

 

I wish someone would have picked up my 9-12 year old diary and softly spoke wisdom into my heart. I wonder what kind of person I would have grown into being- not on the outside- but on the inside. I wonder how many foolish relationships I could have avoided if I would have understood that I'm not lonely- I am pretty- I don't need someone to "like me" and my parents still love me even if they yell at about things.

 

 

So, although many times are passed that time. I guess I realize where these things came from. It's a state of mind- so I think it's recognizing it and trying to move past it and praying about it.

 

I wish I would have listened to the wisdom my parents gave me instead of pushing it out the window.

 

 

*lesson learned*