Reflections

People don't always realize when they are in a good place...
Maybe it's because we often are always looking for something better... brighter...
more fulfilling...

It's in human nature.

Looking for a purpose greater than what we are currently involved in..
As humans we are looking for things that drive faster... work better.. produce more.. look prettier..

That's what we are looking for.
Now as I'm writing.. I feel as if I'm having a dejuvu moment- about a time just a bit ago when I wrote about a feeling the same.

When we are experiencing something above elation.. we forget the bad times.. we forget the unruly times.. we forget even the thoughts we were thinking a few seconds prior to our sudden ecstasy. We are fluid beings; beings that are capable of thinking and moving and accomplishing much...

We have things that stop us...
Thoughts...
Addictions...
Hate...
Wealth...
Prejudice...

Lots of things. We get lost. We get confused. We actually do need... a Savior.

The problem with humans is that we're looking for our own personal fulfillment.. but we don't even know what this is... because we don't know ourselves... yeah we don't know ourselves. scary.

The one who made us, the creator, has had his hand on us since the beginning of creation... and knows everything about us.. our desires.. our needs.. our wants.. even...

our purpose.

The purpose.. the purpose of life. That would be nice to know.. only discoverable... by listening to what God's telling you?

So wait, hold up- my purpose isn't the ritual... grow up , learn, get married, start a family, grow old, die? Uhm.. no. I don't think so. And yours isn't either.

Although there are things that are a part of your purpose doesn't make THE purpose or your purpose. So often we look too often upon what we are doing... yet,,, it's not always what we are doing... it's who we are developing to be.......

Okay, so the people I look up to.. in life.. they aren't people who are like amazing dazzling people.. because honestly that just encompasses so little..

The people that I look up to, some are in high positions, some in low.. but regardless.. of it all... it's the words that are spoken to you.. the actions that they have taken toward you.. and the spirit that you are speaking with. So. face. to face. Here we are- speaking in the spirit and the flesh.. yet there's something more that attracts us to people...

There's people who are attracted to people by their looks, their money, their skills, their hobby, their religion, their goodness...

but honestly, there's something that makes people truly worthy... and that's Jesus.

So if you are finding someone, and they are hard to talk to because maybe they aren't all those things.. maybe they need to find Jesus.. because he makes people beautiful, rich in spirit, joyful, helping, kind, purposeful... so. think again.. think some more.. and share the gift that you freely received.

Morning.

Sobering moments by the light of the field
Remembrances that sink deeply into the soul
Calming waves swish over my mind
Good Morning God, Good Morning world.

Did you forget?

Did you forget the things I did for you says the Lord?
Did you forget all the good things I have put in your life?
Did you forget.....

Do you remember that circumstance..?
It was really bad... yet did you see how I blessed you?
Did you see who I brought into your life because of it?
Do you see the compassion that is displayed now because of what I've chosen to do...

With Your Life.


Did you forget my blessing?
Because you gave it away?
You traded it for a birth right...
That was meant to stay.

Does your flesh cry out against you?
That you can't listen to my voice.
Do you not know that you cannot be for one and another.
The Lord Your God is one God...
and Him only shall you serve.

Blessed be the man that walks in uprightness toward God.
Blessed is the man who puts behind the old man
and is Alive in the new life..
Blessed are those that are obedient unto my name.

Bless the Lord Oh, My Soul... Bless the Lord.

SUMMER FREEDOM!!!

HOORAY!!! August 7th....2015.... the last summer.... I'll ever have experienced while I was still in college!!! WOW!!! :) I so cannot believe it!!! It's such an extremely awesome and rewarding feeling. I've spent five years of my life, going to school (and working in between time), but now soon... it will be but a faint memory of hours spent in classrooms.. writing papers... and thinking about how smart you are.. yet now. The time is come- where all is FLUX. :) My performance will no longer be for my own "good" or my own "liking" as far as grades... instead it will be a test of my professionalism and know how. I am destined to mess up- have good days- have learning days-- and be in FLUX- forevermore.
For now, I feel slight certain, that these times are a time of security.. for college.. the worst that can happen.. is possibly an A- or a B... yet.. I don't receive any monetary anything for this work- it's simply for myself for my own professional development.
I feel eager and excited... I have 3 weeks of SUMMER FREEDOM <3 Before journeying back off to school. I'm super excited and happy... however... I am going to enjoy all the challenges that school brings my way this last full semester at school. I'm going to joy in the pains of long papers, tainted sleep, and complaining classmates. I'm going to joy in the hardships of task and labor of work.. of the babbling children and those of interesting comment. Bring it life, for thus is life... in all, in all, is everything. :)

:) ... So now may be the time to create my bucket list.. I only have a few.
*Visit Mary Ellen for a week
*Order all my new textbooks
*Go school shopping
*Get some new tennis shoes...
And enjoy every adventure as it comes. For who knows what the best day is. For a best day is something we decide within ourselves. Perhaps, our best day could be our worst day if we perceive it correctly. Maybe our very sorrows are our real triumphs. Maybe then, today. :) is the day.

Trust & Faith

     There are some days when I am so troubled; I wake up in the middle of the night and I feel as though it is hard for me to breathe. This happened again last night. It had been a while since this episode type occurrence happened. I'd say it was due to the lack of trusting God. For the last week and a half, I think I did a good job listening to God, rejected my sense of self and trusting in whatever he said.

----However, I don't think I did last night. I really didn't have peace and I felt troubled. This just isn't the way one should feel if they are trusting God.

 

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

So, I understand that in this world, I will have tribulation (a cause of great trouble or suffering) but I should be able to be cheerful because God has overcome the world. Maybe that's the whole point then...

Trusting God at all times...

even when things look rough

Even when that "same thing keeps happening" and you don't understand why...

 

Even when life seems so different than usual....

 

Trust God.

 

Last night at Bible Study, one of the girls, Sophie, mentioned about the "tree of knowledge of good and evil". Suddenly, as she was speaking, something occurred to me that I had never thought of before.

.... The thing that we seem to struggle most about.....

 

KNOWING WHY...WHAT...WHEN?!

 

Yet, I feel like part of our wanting to KNOW is what gets us into trouble... I just thought about it like this... Adam and Eve were in the garden... they sinned and they knew "good and evil"... then all of sudden because they knew more then they were supposed to they looked at each other and were ashamed

"WHY ARE WE NAKED?!"

 

-All along, it didn't seem to matter- they didn't know. It was just the way it was... nothing more to it.. Yet when they knew the realm of good.. and also of evil... they saw what could be evil.. and then questioned God...

 

So... the best part of life.... is when we can trust God regardless of what we know or don't know...

 

Then we can surely have peace.





From Spring to Summer

In the Spring, I got a new computer. A desktop in fact- please see the computer box on the bed, haha. I loved it so much because it had been so long since I ever had in my procession.. a desk top.. computer. :)

In the Spring, I finished up my long hours of student teaching... and looked forward to finishing the classes that seemed as if they were never going to end.

 ......................................................................................................................................................................

And NOW... it's summer outside!!! I took this picture today- and as you can see my skin has changed shade since the Spring- not because I'm a hard laborer in the yard (as I wish I could say) but from the leisure days in the pool- sometimes spent doing work of "reading".

I only have... 4 more days left of summer school and ONE more big paper to write for the summer (12 pages...)! And then I'll be all done.... for the summer.

Here's a picture that I water-colored as part of my K-2 Literacy class. We were learning how we should use the same template.. and then the students can fill in the blanks. Here are some of my classmates works of art...

So- you get the idea. These templates make students basically... brilliant without even knowing it. Best of all- you can make a really cool book- or something interesting out of it.

This school semester is going to be the busiest I've ever experienced before (as far as school work). I'm taking ten classes (25 credits) and I got elected as the Vice President of one of Christian organizations on campus- so all the work that entails will surely increase the amount of time spent on task. Besides that, I also need to spend 120 hours teaching in the Fall.. plus 60 hours I have to make up from the summer. *joyous* :) Overall, it will be worth it because I will only have my student teaching then- and then in "essence" I'll experience the easiest, most rewarding school semester ever.. NEXT YEAR! And best of all, my brother will be home!!! <3

. 

Here's a picture from earlier this year. My cutie pie 2nd cousins got to stay a whole week with us. :) It was a wonderful time to have the. Unfortunately, the reason we went down there was because my great Aunt died- however, all is well. :) because she's in a better place....

AND WITHOUT FURTHER ADO... I CANNOT WAIT FOR 2 WEEKS FROM NOW.. when I will get to see my favorite friends in the world! :) <3

Oh yeah!! We got to see a 50's doowop band the other day! It was a blast, unfortunately I don't have any pictures myself- however it was fun- and there was great music! :) Here's one to share in honor of my Auntie that died.!

Emma Jane Austen & Today

Being a woman, who has lived and have seen not anything much new that anyone else who ever lived and have seen before- has allowed me to find the "pleasure" if you may call it such, of having the privilege of having Jane Austen quote a portion of the trials of my mind to the world.

Please enjoy: a portion of Emma - by Jane Austen
& a portion of my feelings.

"A man," said he, "must have a very good opinion of himself when he asks people to leave
their own fireside, and encounter such a day as this, for the sake of coming to see him. He must
think himself a most agreeable fellow; I could not do such a thing. It is the greatest
absurdity—Actually snowing at this moment!— The folly of not allowing people to be
comfortable at home—and the folly of people's not staying comfortably at home when they
can! If we were obliged to go out such an evening as this, by any call of duty or business, what
a hardship we should deem it;—and here are we, probably with rather thinner clothing than
usual, setting forward voluntarily, without excuse, in defiance of the voice of nature, which
tells man, in every thing given to his view or his feelings, to stay at home himself, and keep all
under shelter that he can;—here are we setting forward to spend five dull hours in another
man's house, with nothing to say or to hear that was not said and heard yesterday, and may not
be said and heard again to-morrow. Going in dismal weather, to return probably in
worse;—four horses and four servants taken out for nothing but to convey five idle, shivering
creatures into colder rooms and worse company than they might have had at home"
Emma by Jane Austen p 137 chapter XIII (13)

The Housewife; or The Muse Learning to Ride the Great Horse Heroic. BY: ELIZABETH MOODY

O thou that with deciding voice oft sways
...



DEAR MARY EL.... I can't find an online copy of this and it will take me a while to type out.. but please look this poem up and if you can't find it i'll type it up or take a picture...

Drugs

Dear God,

Why do people take drugs? I mean, I know why people take drugs. I guess for different reasons probably. Most people take drugs because they get a high off of drugs. Well, Jesus, it’s hard to compete with drugs. I mean, people take drugs and they are out of their minds. People kill other people, some people just have “fun” but it’s dangerous God.. but they don’t even see it. They are killing themselves just as much as they are killing others. It’s crushing to see them destroy the lives of those around us. Today, more than ever (it seems anyway) that people are giving up their children. Some in part is natural consequences due to drugs, other times it’s different reasons. I don’t know what people are living for anymore. People can’t find a purpose in this life and they are destroying themselves and others. How can you help us God? How can you help us turn them toward your face?

Seek Wisdom.

²⁰ Wisdom crieth without; she uttereth her voice in the streets:

²¹ She crieth in the chief place of concourse, in the openings of the gates: in the city she uttereth her words, saying,

²² How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate knowledge?

²³ Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my spirit unto you, I will make known my words unto you.

²⁴ Because I have called, and ye refused; I have stretched out my hand, and no man regarded;

²⁵ But ye have set at nought all my counsel, and would none of my reproof:

²⁶ I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh;

²⁷ When your fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a whirlwind; when distress and anguish cometh upon you.

²⁸ Then shall they call upon me, but I will not answer; they shall seek me early, but they shall not find me:

²⁹ For that they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the LORD:

³⁰ They would none of my counsel: they despised all my reproof.

³¹ Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own way, and be filled with their own devices.

³² For the turning away of the simple shall slay them, and the prosperity of fools shall destroy them.

³³ But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil.

 

Proverbs 1:20-33

Nine Year Old Diary

Greater and Grander

 

 

     Today, I am going to show to you something personal. Well, it's not personal anymore but at one time, it was very personal and very exciting.

 

 

 

Courtney: 7 days after my 9 birthday.

 

 

I had my friend Jacob come over! he's the most boy I like. He's so cute! I love you. See you later. Bekki hurt her arm! Goodbye Diary.

 

 

My other sweetie came over. His name is Seth. I love you Seth. Love sweetie Seth. Hehehe. bye bye

I like Taylor too!

 

 

This amazes me that at nine years old I had such a mystical world. It's interesting how your thoughts really do shape your life. I remember growing up and comparing and contrasting different boys- and later even men. Apparently, I just loved them all when I was younger- and I suppose when I'm older it's not a whole lot different. I have had to really fine tune myself over the years. What's interesting to me is that I never really described why I like them. I suppose I liked them because they were cute and nice to me. I suppose I also liked them because they liked me (as I heard). So, love is mutual- and interest is mutual. Even a very loveable person can become unlovable if they don't love you back.

 

Yet, when you are younger things just don't seem to click. Your mind is  like a gullible sponge. Every word is engrained into you like the salt in the ocean. It sticks with you, forever.. unless you realize it and can make a change..

 

Think about it ... one thought... that you have thought for a long time. You have no idea where it reall came from, but you think about it a lot and it's not good.

 

What is it? Bondage. You are tied to that one thought.

 

Well, for me, I've been tied to a lot of thoughts before- and they aren't true but I've been thinking about them so long I presume them to be- and I think about them so long- that they become a reality in my mind- but not in actual life.

 

I wish someone would have picked up my 9-12 year old diary and softly spoke wisdom into my heart. I wonder what kind of person I would have grown into being- not on the outside- but on the inside. I wonder how many foolish relationships I could have avoided if I would have understood that I'm not lonely- I am pretty- I don't need someone to "like me" and my parents still love me even if they yell at about things.

 

 

So, although many times are passed that time. I guess I realize where these things came from. It's a state of mind- so I think it's recognizing it and trying to move past it and praying about it.

 

I wish I would have listened to the wisdom my parents gave me instead of pushing it out the window.

 

 

*lesson learned*

YES FOR ROADTRIPS!

Obviously, as seen from my last couple blog posts, I had the wonderful privilege of having one of my very dearest friends in the world, Mary Ellen, come and visit me at mi casa! :) We had such a grand time together. I am finally getting the wonderful pictures on here for your enjoyment!!

Mary Ellen and I visiting Robbie's school... this one was in the bathroom LOL

                                  

We had the privilege of getting together with our friend Brittany :) It was so fun to see her and chat it up!

Mary Ellen on the twisting staircase at Grohmann's Art Gallery Museum

Freedom!!

Beauty!!

The ceiling is painted with a beautiful mural! 

This is going to be Mary Ellen's new advertisement for her future company! Hehe :)

Guys making beer I believe- and of course Mary Ellen !

The coolest water bottles in the world.. one day I would love to have! Haha! You squeeze a lemon into them and it infuses your water! :)

Mary had many busy moments. Here she is probably conspiring on where to go next. LOL.

This is Ethan's guitar.. and a spill he made.

This is Ethan about to clean up the root-beer float spill he made.

This is a short action packed video of Ethan cleaning in motion.

This is Ethan's band, Dear Deadline! We'll go see him in Nashville someday.

Mary Ellen hard at work drawing the illustrations for our new children's book.

She's so kind as to take a picture in the midst of her work! P.S. Cheesecake is to the right.. and boy is it good!!!

Artistic Moments

I think I'm drawing or writing something here :)

Tadaaaaa. A great picture. :)

Overall, we had a fun trip- and the pictures merely capture any of the wonderful memories we had together! :) I can't wait until next time.

<3 <3 <3

Love Courtney

Speech Recognition Software

Today, I decided to try speech recognition software. 

I spoke into my computer, "Rudy is an American boy who follows ideals"... then my computer typed for me "Im is lowering the room when ready to add the egg noodles of an American"

In conclusion, I'm typing things by hand from now on. 

Pajamas are WORTH IT!!!

My mom got me this beautiful new comfy pajamas. 

I've been writing my research paper in them since I woke up today.

They literally are so amazing. 

The picture I posted is because I literally feel like I'm sitting out on one of those chairs in California, soaking up the evening and looking at a beautiful pool.

I FEEL AWESOME!!! 

Waiting for Mary Ellen

Mary Ellen has decided to come and visit me today!!!! I am so very excited!!! :) I am going to video her arrival so we can cherish this moment forever!!! Yay!!!

Always a Number to Call...

FOODS THAT HELP ME...

THINK CREATIVELY


CONCENTRATE (FOR STUDYING/WRITING TECHNICAL PAPERS)






MAKE ME DISTRACTED

UNPRODUCTIVE

NO EFFECT